In just a few short months, the United States will be consumed by political debates as things heat up for the 2024 election. As usual, it will be a stressful media circus and the real losers no matter what are us: people who just want to live our lives without things sucking. They say the first step to building a better future is imagining what it would look like, which is why we’re considering the 10 rock and metal singers we’d totally vote for if they ran for office.
Seriously, is there anyone in metal more calm and collected than D. Randall Blythe? The Lamb of God singer has been through a lot in his life and always maintained a chill outer layer. Blythe has tried to avoid affiliating himself with either side of the political spectrum, which might be a nice change of pace from the deeply-divided political parties currently in the White House.
Much like Blythe, Devin Townsend is often known for his calm and reasonable approach to things. Whether he’s discussing the process of making his music, the effect merch cuts have on artists or what he’ll do next, Townsend always comes across as focused and reasonable. We do get the impression that he’d rather be writing music than running a nation, though.
We knew that we’d support a Tony Foresta bid for president after Municipal Waste made their feelings about former president Donald Trump known via a T-shirt. Foresta says that he prefers to keep politics out of music but has to draw a line somewhere (“Fuck that guy,” he says). Foresta would be the most debaucherous president we’ve ever had but he’d also bring some lighthearted positivity to the White House. Municipal Waste is gonna… rule the world?
Having been active in some form for over 25 years, Halestorm feel like one of the last active rock bands from a former generation. As their frontwoman, singer and guitarist Lzzy Hale embodies a rebellious spirit. With her vocal support for LGBTQ issues and women’s rights, this is one rocker we know has her heart in the right place.
Climate change is one of the most important issues facing us today. How we handle things like rising temperatures today will affect the quality of life for generations to come. Gojira drummer Mario Duplantier and his bandmates have long kept nature at the forefront of their music, supporting various organizations focused on saving the environment. If Duplantier suddenly decided to run for office, we’d certainly listen to his ideas about preserving the planet.
Anthrax six-stringer Scott Ian secured our vote when he weighed in on the 2016 presidential election and threw his support behind Bernie Sanders. “He’s the only one that will actually point out things that are wrong in America and he’s not bowing to the corporate fucking dollar or the NRA stronghold that America has become,” he said in 2015. The state of affairs in the United States today feels not unlike the satirical one on Stormtroopers of Death’s Speak English or Die, so maybe Scott Ian is the one to lead us to the light. He’s definitely a better choice than Donald Trump.
Blöthar the Berserker
Does this guy even speak English? I for one welcome our new pus-spewing non-human overlords.
The Foo Fighters frontman is like the rock scene’s fun uncle at this point. Though they’ve played the Biden inauguration and frequently supported Democratic candidates, Dave Grohl says Foo Fighters want to unite people: “I’m an eternal optimist, I try to inject a little bit of hope into everything I do. Music is something that can bring opposite sides of the spectrum into the same arena for a few hours of relief. That’s where I’d rather be.” Seriously—punks, metalheads, normies, your grandma, your dad—who wouldn’t vote for Dave Grohl?!
Lars was right, motherfucker, and we should say it more! Though he and his Metallica bandmates could probably have found a better solution, Ulrich correctly predicted the effect that piracy would have on the music industry today. This would also probably get us a James Hetfield vice presidency, because those two are in business together for life. Metallica have penned numerous songs about the horrors of war, so we can also assume they won’t go looking for trouble.
The Napalm Death singer probably does not want to be president, if I had to guess. Forming from leftist punk roots, Napalm Death have long been what they call a “human ideas” band, standing against organized politics, corporations and Nazi bullshit for more than 40 years. Greenway and his bandmates have introduced countless punks and heshers to new political ideas. The presidency wouldn’t be that much different, right?
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